Have you heard this quote: “The only two certainties in life are death and taxes”? While often attributed to writer Mark Twain, these words were apparently penned by U.S. founding father Benjamin Franklin years earlier.

This article focuses on having discussions about one of those certainties: death. More specifically, having conversations about how to share assets with beneficiaries via inheritance, which becomes crucially relevant when death looms on the horizon.

Discussing inheritance (and death) can be tricky. Each party will likely have different expectations, needs and emotions on the subject. One fact stands out: clear communication is essential to avoid misunderstandings and, worse still, disputes.

This article outlines some practical steps on how to make these conversations more manageable. But first we need some foundations.

Economic factors have increased the significance of discussions around inheritance.

Property prices and superannuation balances have grown substantially over recent years, leading to larger inheritances in general. With larger sums involved, “intergenerational wealth transfer” – the buzzwords for passing wealth from older family members to younger ones – has become a hot topic.

High living costs and changing priorities are encouraging some parents to choose to help their children (or others) during their lifetimes, rather than after they have passed away – helping “with a warm hand, not a cold hand” as the old saying goes.

Other people might delay transferring wealth so they can maintain their own financial security for healthcare and aged care reasons.

Where there is wealth, there is often a will, and where there is a will, it can be challenged. There is nothing new about challenges to wills (Charles Dickens used this as a plot device in the 1850s in his novel Bleak House). Here are two (out of many) reasons why a will may be challenged:

• Estranged or less-favoured children getting left out of the will
• The inheritance of a property in which several children receive an interest, yet some children wish to sell the property while others want to use it.

These are thorny problems that many people would rather avoid. That’s human nature. But, often, avoidance only delays and even magnifies the underlying problems. 

People feel safe in conversations when they feel respected and heard. To foster that respect and openness you can:

• Start the conversation gently by setting some guidelines
• Find points of agreement early on in the conversation
• Be aware of the internal narratives that all of us carry and that frame our engagements. Examples of this might be: “I’m always the victim”; “That person is so stupid”. Mentally acknowledge these thoughts, then put the behavioural biases to one side.

My experience is that, as a society, we are poorly equipped to have crucial conversations, particularly involving death and finance. The tips I have shared above will help you feel more prepared to confidently address those topics when the time is right to talk about inheritance.